I just realized I've already been in Marshall Islands for a month! It's been really great!
I wanted to share a few personal reflections after having been here about a month. I will try to post more soon about life in Majuro, projects I’ve been working on, and what I’ve seen and learned about the impacts of climate change in Marshall Islands. For now, I think I’m still kind of trying to figure out my own place and my next steps and that feels prerequisite to the other things I want to write about.
I've been thinking a lot about how to get more involved in the community and what contributions I may be able to make. So far, I've chatted with lots of people, observed an amazing youth leadership program, and volunteered a bit with the local International Organization for Migration office doing some survey analysis. These experiences are helping me slowly get to know this place and I'm eager to get going on my project, but after a month here, I feel even more strongly that I need to take plenty of time to understand the people, the community, the culture, and the needs I might help address (to whatever extent it would be possible for me to accomplish those things).
There is already so much going on in Marshall Islands that I think if I just jump into my project, it's likely not to be as useful or relevant as it could be. I read as much as possible before moving here, but it's so different actually being present, seeing things for myself, and talking with real people rather than reading the academic research. There’s so much more nuance than what is conveyed in the literature, and none of the research I’ve read illuminates the beauty of this place or the kindness of the people. Most of the research seems to focus on the adversity and the existential threats (i.e., climate change, nuclear legacy, health issues, etc). It does feel like those are constantly lingering threats that most are well aware of, but despite that (or maybe in a way because of it) people seem to really enjoy life.
Almost everyplace you look there is a vivid juxtaposition of the adversity and the beauty and that’s something I’ve been trying to figure out how to capture through photography. On that note, please check out my Instagram (www.instagram.com/dkrzesni), I’ve been sharing lots of pictures there. As a newcomer to photography, I’m actually very proud of some of my pictures and I have lots of ideas for future more focused photography projects such as a series of environmental portraits I hope to start working on soon.
Despite my eagerness to start getting more active and engaged in this community, I’ve been taking a lot of time to reflect on my experiences and plan my next steps. Most of all, I have been considering whether I should start trying to move forward with my project and view it as kind of an initial/exploratory step, or pursue further volunteer opportunities or even a full-time job here and plan to wait another few months before starting the project. I think for now I'd feel more comfortable working for someone established here than initiating something myself. There are people already who I am confident will provide guidance on my project, though.
I've been hearing about lots of exciting job opportunities, especially in education, and I've been contemplating whether I can (or want to) take on that kind of commitment, and if so, what that would mean for my research and my PhD progress. I think my experience and perceptions would be very different because I’d no longer be just a researcher visiting for an extended period. Being a researcher implies a much more passive and disconnected relationship. Finding a job here might lead to me feeling more connected and becoming more established in the community. It may or may not also influence how long I end up staying and the timeline for my project here.
I’m still very much unsure whether I’ll finish my doctorate and I feel like I just want to work and put the whole thing on hold. However, to be clear, I am still enrolled in my program as a full-time student and completely on track with my academic progress, at this stage all that is left is my dissertation and I have two years of funding left to complete it. There will not likely be any decisive change in the immediate future, in fact, this is kind of the stage in my program where I have the space and time to figure that out. I also want to be clear that I am very committed to doing the project I have planned in Marshall Islands in some form and that is somewhat independent from my PhD program. In other words, I’m more committed to doing something I feel will be meaningful and useful in Marshall Islands than I am to earning my PhD, but I also still do want to earn my PhD if it remains feasible to do both.
Maybe I also just need some more time and distance from my doctoral program to try to recover and regain my bearings. The last few years (even before the PhD) have really rocked my confidence. It's been kind of a downward slope since finishing my M.Ed. from feeling sure I was making a meaningful contribution in the world, to being sure I wasn't. I probably would have been much better positioned for this project immediately following my M.Ed. and having never attended my PhD program, but at the same time, I may have never wound up where I am now if not for the doctoral program and I do feel like I am in a good place, or at least pointed in a good direction. I've felt better in the last month than I have in a long time and I’m pretty optimistic about my time in Marshall Islands-- I just need to make some decisions.
I just feel kind of shaky still, because I have had such a turbid relationship with academia. I want to pursue a project meant to help people rather than just study them and I feel like earning my PhD is both a huge facilitator and an enormous barrier to my goals. The whole academic world has come to feel so toxic, parasitic, cruel, and heartless, yet it opens doors and provides credibility that may help me have the kind of impact I want to have.
I also am starting to feel like whether I stay a year, or significantly more or less time, this is going to be a long-term commitment and it's worth taking the time to try to do it right. I am getting kind of antsy to get out and do more, but I think I also have to be patient… and prudent.
I really would be thankful for it if anyone out there has thoughts or advice. I'll try to start posting more consistent updates, because there is so much I want to share about this special place.
